A thought occurred to me the other day while discussing same-gender attraction (SSA) with someone who has faced it. While I don't think a gay couple should come to church expecting to be accepted with open arms and administered the sacrament in their sinful union, I do think there are times when I could support someone in their gay relationship, even if I couldn't condone giving them official marriage status.
For instance, I would rather see the gay people of the world who don't know any better (at least in Mormon terms) living in a monogamous gay relationship than be promiscuous. I used to live on Boston’s Newbury Street, where my then-wife was a hairdresser. As you can imagine if you know Boston, she had lots of gay coworkers and clients, and we became friends with one of her clients in particular, a very successful, professional, charismatic guy who really had his act together, much more so in many areas than I ever have or will.
We would exchange dinner invitations, and it was fascinating to spend time with him and his partner in his lovely South End apartment, where they seemed to be successfully playing house. When this partner abandoned him, we were able to offer commiseration and support (our friend had been playing sugar daddy to a younger guy). I enjoyed enough good rapport with this fellow that, when he was getting ready to treat himself to a post-breakup bacchanalia on Fire Island, I was able to look him in the eye and half-teasingly say, “Now, you packed plenty of protection, right?” And I think he actually appreciated the concern.
Even for LDS SSA people, I would rather see them in monogamous sodomy than otherwise, if that's really only the best they can manage at that point in their lives. I could even go so far as to say that some people may need to go through a homosexual relationship in order to learn what's right, as long as they ultimately repent of it and move on—of course, the danger is that they may never break free of it.
After all, I've gone through similar lessons myself that I don't think I could have learned any other way except by actually experiencing the sin and tasting its bitter fruits. (I'll tell you what, after smoking pot every day for two years, I'd hesitate to touch that mind-numbing, sleep-inducing, munchie-causing stuff again even if the church OKed it.)
I think anyone facing self-loathing because of unwanted SSA should really just be loved and supported and helped as much as humanly possible, but not if they're trying to justify themselves in giving in to the gay lifestyle—then they need arm's-length sternness and a dose of theological and spiritual reality, lest we enable them in their sin. Either that or they should just give it a rest on Mormonism for a season, unless and until they're ready to try it again on the Lord's terms, not their own.