PLEASE FORWARD AND POST THE FOLLOWING REQUEST FAR AND WIDE:
We are looking for print-quality exterior photos of all 129 LDS temples around the world (plus Kirtland), to be included in a large, full-color book about temples under contract to be published later this year.
While we need straightforward shots, we are also interested in temple photos with artistic elements, such as unusual angles, filters, and lighting, as well as close-ups of distinctive exterior elements.
In return for use of your photo(s), you will receive a credit line in the book (with your personal URL, if desired). We are asking for nonexclusive rights, so you can still use your temple photo(s) elsewhere.
Send your temple photo(s) to book designer Kelli Pratt at thedesignlady@hotmail.com. Photos must be high-res with a minimum DPI of 300. If your photo(s) is chosen for the book, you will be asked to sign a release form.
Deadline for submissions: February 15, 2009
Please forward and post this request wherever it might be appropriate.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
25 Random Things about Me
Here's my take on that writing prompt that's been circulating through the social networks:
1. I wear button-down shirts on MWF and polo-style shirts on TTh.
2. I was born in Newport, Rhode Island, and still feel that New England is my real spiritual homeland; I do not feel psychically at home in Utah.
3. I don't like raisins, bananas, or coconut.
4. I haven't shaved my beard once in over nine years.
5. My favorite ice cream is still Baskin-Robbins, despite all these new-fangled places.
6. I really wish I could get away with attending church only once a month—maybe when the kids are grown up.
7. I didn't like my LDS mission to Australia. I liked Australia but not the mission thing.
8. I was sealed to two women at the same time for a few years.
9. I'm surprised by how much I like our new pet cat.
10. My biggest problem in life currently is my career. I'm simultaneously dealing with dissatisfaction, worries about the future, and overwork.
11. I eat cottage cheese and peaches for breakfast every MTW, and I eat two boiled eggs every TTh.
12. I've been consistent for several years now about working up a sweat for a half-hour three times a week on the treadmill.
13. I eat out for lunch every day.
14. I'm a little fuzzy on what I really have to look forward to in life, beyond the little daily pleasures.
15. I've never broken a bone and I still have my wisdom teeth.
16. I've never watched the Super Bowl, except catching glimpses when I walked through the room.
17. I love to sit by the fire and read during the winter.
18. I love Asian food of all types, think Mexican is just OK, and find Italian food pretty boring.
19. I like London better than Paris.
20. I had Hodgkin's disease in 1994 and did the full round of chemotherapy and radiation treatment.
21. I don't attend high-school or mission reunions.
22. I feel little fear of speaking in public, as long as I know what I'm going to say. But I hate the idea of being on TV so much that I turned down an invitation from the local FOX station.
23. I'm usually sort of a glass-half-empty guy.
24. Parenthood is harder and less fun and satisfying than I thought it would be, but marriage is easier and nicer and better (at least with this spouse).
25. I follow a certain rotation of which shampoos I use on which days.
Go and do thou likewise, if you feel so inclined...
1. I wear button-down shirts on MWF and polo-style shirts on TTh.
2. I was born in Newport, Rhode Island, and still feel that New England is my real spiritual homeland; I do not feel psychically at home in Utah.
3. I don't like raisins, bananas, or coconut.
4. I haven't shaved my beard once in over nine years.
5. My favorite ice cream is still Baskin-Robbins, despite all these new-fangled places.
6. I really wish I could get away with attending church only once a month—maybe when the kids are grown up.
7. I didn't like my LDS mission to Australia. I liked Australia but not the mission thing.
8. I was sealed to two women at the same time for a few years.
9. I'm surprised by how much I like our new pet cat.
10. My biggest problem in life currently is my career. I'm simultaneously dealing with dissatisfaction, worries about the future, and overwork.
11. I eat cottage cheese and peaches for breakfast every MTW, and I eat two boiled eggs every TTh.
12. I've been consistent for several years now about working up a sweat for a half-hour three times a week on the treadmill.
13. I eat out for lunch every day.
14. I'm a little fuzzy on what I really have to look forward to in life, beyond the little daily pleasures.
15. I've never broken a bone and I still have my wisdom teeth.
16. I've never watched the Super Bowl, except catching glimpses when I walked through the room.
17. I love to sit by the fire and read during the winter.
18. I love Asian food of all types, think Mexican is just OK, and find Italian food pretty boring.
19. I like London better than Paris.
20. I had Hodgkin's disease in 1994 and did the full round of chemotherapy and radiation treatment.
21. I don't attend high-school or mission reunions.
22. I feel little fear of speaking in public, as long as I know what I'm going to say. But I hate the idea of being on TV so much that I turned down an invitation from the local FOX station.
23. I'm usually sort of a glass-half-empty guy.
24. Parenthood is harder and less fun and satisfying than I thought it would be, but marriage is easier and nicer and better (at least with this spouse).
25. I follow a certain rotation of which shampoos I use on which days.
Go and do thou likewise, if you feel so inclined...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Damn, Updike's Dead
Well, my favorite author is suddenly dead, and it hits me personally more than usual when a famous person dies, because I felt such a connection to his work. But now maybe I can catch up with reading all his books before I die.I just love the way Updike writes, the great descriptions and metaphors and observations mixed with lots of sex. (In fact, even a big fan like me occasionally asks, "Do you have anything to write about other than suburban adultery?")
A couple of years ago, I sent Updike a letter and copy of my own novel Kindred Spirits, but I never heard back. I consider him an influence on my own writing, though I'm nowhere near as talented in sheer writing ability. He enboldened me somewhat to include some sex in my Mormon novel, though nowhere near as graphic as he does it. I quite envy his literary career and once may have hoped that something similar could happen for me.
I'm glad I still have several Updike novels sitting on my bookshelf for me to discover, but I'm sad that I can't look forward to any more. I wonder if his publisher has anything else left to publish posthumously. Actually, I'm not really interested in Updike's poetry, criticism, or essays, just the fiction. Man, he was amazingly prolific, with over 50 books in his career. I wonder what God thinks of him.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Another Gay Marriage Rebuttal
In a recent Sunstone magazine, a person wrote a letter arguing that Mormonism could abide gay marriage if the partners are married just for earthly time, not for eternity. (He even mentioned that such marriages-for-time could take place inside the temple, but I think the church has stopped doing those, which was smart in light of today's marriage wars.) Here is my rebuttal, which I hope Sunstone will publish:
In response to Jim Rasmussen's letter (December 2008) regarding my essay "Why Mormonism Can't Abide Gay Marriage" (October 2008), let me add some more reasoning about why Mormonism shouldn't and can't, in my opinion, ever condone same-sex marriage, not even just for time rather than eternity.
First of all, Mormonism abhors a sealing vacuum. The church takes pains to encourage everyone to get sealed for eternity to a spouse. In fact, it's better for a woman to remain sealed to her civilly divorced husband than to revert to an unsealed state. After I was divorced, my ex-wife was not able to cancel our sealing until she had found a new husband with whom to become sealed in the temple. So if the church condones marriage for time between same-gender spouses, that removes those parties from the possibility, however slight it may be, of getting properly sealed to a spouse for eternity. (The most difficult case remains that of men who marry widows who were previously sealed to someone else; while it's true that these men apparently remain unsealed to a spouse for now, any progeny are sealed by virtue of the wife's prior sealing. Of course, in many if not most cases, such marriages happen in later life, and the male was already previously sealed to a spouse too, so he's already taken care of and there's no sealing vacuum.)
Secondly, and more importantly, is the issue of actual gay sexual relations, which Rasmussen did not address in his letter. Just because the church seems to have adopted a don't-ask-don't-tell policy regarding oral sex between heterosexual marriage partners doesn't mean that it could ever come anywhere near accepting gay sexual practices, which it would be doing if it condoned gay marriage in any form. In my essay, I tried to address this issue in muted language, but now I will be more blunt: God has a penis. Created in his image, his male children also have penises, and they are commanded to use them only in Godlike ways within marriage. If we say that it's OK under certain circumstances for males to manipulate each other's penises or insert them into each other's mouths or rectums, then we have to imagine male gods being able to do that amongst themselves with their own genitals, which of course makes reason stare, at least for most of us. (Equivalent logic can be applied with females.) So if we can't imagine our corporeal God doing this, that makes gay sex an unholy and impure practice that Mormonism can never accommodate on any terms. We're here to learn to become like God, especially in the sexual arena, and there is no temporary allowance or validation for earthly sexual perversion, even for those burdened with seemingly insurmountable exclusively same-gender attraction.
When I hear liberal Mormons romanticize the notion of gay marriage, I think they are glossing over the cold reality that the physical aspects of such unions are simply unacceptable in Mormon theology, period. Personally, I believe that oral sex between married heterosexuals is also an unholy and impure practice to some degree, even if the church has backed off from trying to outright prohibit it, and I feel that society's recent open acceptance of this practice has indirectly strengthened the gay agenda. While I personally don't pretend to fully understand the same-gender-attraction dilemma and would never judge any individual's accountability in that area, the fact remains that physical gay couplings of any kind run counter to Mormon theology and can never be accepted through consecrating gay unions via marriage, even if only for time.
In response to Jim Rasmussen's letter (December 2008) regarding my essay "Why Mormonism Can't Abide Gay Marriage" (October 2008), let me add some more reasoning about why Mormonism shouldn't and can't, in my opinion, ever condone same-sex marriage, not even just for time rather than eternity.
First of all, Mormonism abhors a sealing vacuum. The church takes pains to encourage everyone to get sealed for eternity to a spouse. In fact, it's better for a woman to remain sealed to her civilly divorced husband than to revert to an unsealed state. After I was divorced, my ex-wife was not able to cancel our sealing until she had found a new husband with whom to become sealed in the temple. So if the church condones marriage for time between same-gender spouses, that removes those parties from the possibility, however slight it may be, of getting properly sealed to a spouse for eternity. (The most difficult case remains that of men who marry widows who were previously sealed to someone else; while it's true that these men apparently remain unsealed to a spouse for now, any progeny are sealed by virtue of the wife's prior sealing. Of course, in many if not most cases, such marriages happen in later life, and the male was already previously sealed to a spouse too, so he's already taken care of and there's no sealing vacuum.)
Secondly, and more importantly, is the issue of actual gay sexual relations, which Rasmussen did not address in his letter. Just because the church seems to have adopted a don't-ask-don't-tell policy regarding oral sex between heterosexual marriage partners doesn't mean that it could ever come anywhere near accepting gay sexual practices, which it would be doing if it condoned gay marriage in any form. In my essay, I tried to address this issue in muted language, but now I will be more blunt: God has a penis. Created in his image, his male children also have penises, and they are commanded to use them only in Godlike ways within marriage. If we say that it's OK under certain circumstances for males to manipulate each other's penises or insert them into each other's mouths or rectums, then we have to imagine male gods being able to do that amongst themselves with their own genitals, which of course makes reason stare, at least for most of us. (Equivalent logic can be applied with females.) So if we can't imagine our corporeal God doing this, that makes gay sex an unholy and impure practice that Mormonism can never accommodate on any terms. We're here to learn to become like God, especially in the sexual arena, and there is no temporary allowance or validation for earthly sexual perversion, even for those burdened with seemingly insurmountable exclusively same-gender attraction.
When I hear liberal Mormons romanticize the notion of gay marriage, I think they are glossing over the cold reality that the physical aspects of such unions are simply unacceptable in Mormon theology, period. Personally, I believe that oral sex between married heterosexuals is also an unholy and impure practice to some degree, even if the church has backed off from trying to outright prohibit it, and I feel that society's recent open acceptance of this practice has indirectly strengthened the gay agenda. While I personally don't pretend to fully understand the same-gender-attraction dilemma and would never judge any individual's accountability in that area, the fact remains that physical gay couplings of any kind run counter to Mormon theology and can never be accepted through consecrating gay unions via marriage, even if only for time.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Evaluating President Bush
It's easy for me to get caught up in the media-led dislike of Bush and evaluation of his presidency as one big failure. I admit that my gut feeling toward Bush has been fairly negative, and that includes his cronies Cheney and Rumsfeld.
However, this address of Senator Hatch's before the U.S. Senate is a good counter-balance to that kind of thinking and helps me look at Bush with a little more appreciation and respect. I recommend taking a good look at Hatch's evaluation of Bush's presidency. Personally, I think Bush's biggest sign of success is that there have been no terrorist attacks on our country since 9-11, though I'm sure they're still trying with all their might.
I'm pretty high on Obama right now, caught up in his charisma and the historical significance of his ascendancy. However, there's an accompanying shadow in my thinking that if Obama fails, the results could be much worse than Bush's failures, with another major economic depression, terrorists making new inroads into our country, and moral depravity further removing us from God's protection and blessings.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Realities of Writing
Jonathan Langford has made some comments recently in two venues about the realities of writing, and I've felt myself prompted to respond to him in both venues.
First, in response to his very interesting post at A Motley Vision:
I have an ongoing mental conversation with myself about the role that creative/fiction writing should have in my life. Sometimes I’ve got myself convinced that it’s the equivalent of a hobby, but other times I realize that it’s too much work to be considered a hobby, and you can’t help but hope the work might lead to successful publication, which makes it a would-be profession, not a hobby.
I too write/edit for a living. Even when I’m doing all kinds of whorish work solely for money, as I have been doing with all my spare time recently, I am fantasizing about getting back to my novel, memoir, personal blog, etc. I do get a buzz from working on all of those personal outlets, although I also cause myself some anxiety by trying to get myself onto schedules and by thinking too much about publication prospects. I really do hope to get my personal creative writing more onto the hobby level, somehow, something that may be possible now that I’m middle aged and have already tried and failed so many times at monetizing/professionalizing my creative writing.
I’m really hoping 2009 brings me a few open months for personal writing, but hopefully not because the paying work dries up!
And now, my response to Jonathan's recent post on AML-List, titled "Economic downturn and Mormon letters":
Well, as I think I've already pointed out, the downturn has directly affected Mormon publishing, with Signature on hiatus and Cedar Fort holding an emergency liquidation sale due to massive returns of unsold merchandise from retailers. At Zarahemla Books, we've noticed a big slowdown in sales in the last quarter of 2008, and our wholesale distributor in the LDS market is nearly a year behind in our consignment payments, which fortunately hasn't affected our cash flow needs yet but will catch up to us soon, if they don't cough up.
Z had a good 2008 because of Doug Thayer's Hooligan, even though we released only one new book (Angel Falling Softly) that has sold only about 100 copies. Total revenues for Z were about $18,000 for 2008 with no grants, all book sales, and we spent about that much too. (I don't take any direct salary out now that I've paid off my personal loans to the biz, but I do have Z pay for business-related computers, cell phone, travel, meals, etc. And every book or magazine I ever buy is paid for by Z. I wish I could justify having Z pay for my music and movies too...)
Personally, my problem is that I have way too much paid writing/editing work on my plate, for which I'm very grateful, but it's taking away from time I can spend on Z and my own personal creative writing, let alone family, house, church, community, etc. I've been working 60-hour weeks for several months now on both salaried and freelance writing/editing jobs, and I find the constant deadline pressure quite wearying. There have been layoffs at my day job but I have survived and feel pretty secure, as the executives seem to value having a strong communications guy around (there's another good writer on staff here too).
For me, freelance shows no sign of slowing down yet. The Dummies people keep pitching editing projects my way, some of which I've had to turn down, and the publisher I work with in England is, at this very moment, pitching a new line of seven Mormon-themed books to a big distributor owned by Baker & Taylor; he even wants to start a new Mormon-themed imprint. If even just some of that plays out, I'll be slammed for years to come and may even need to subcontract out some writing.
I live in almost daily fear of layoffs and the financial privation and debt that would ensue, but part of me would relish having six months off to really focus on my own personal projects, especially getting out another novel. The reality, of course, is that those six months would be very stressful and go by very fast, so it's not something I really do wish. And of course, you wouldn't know if it would turn out to be six months or longer, so you couldn't really relax and enjoy it. If unemployed, I would feel guilty taking 3-4 hours a day for a novel when I should be spending all my waking hours looking for real income-earning opportunities. Plus, I have so many kids and other distractions at home that I wonder how much work I would really get done as a home-based writer.
Nevertheless, I wonder very often about seeing if I could match my corporate salary through freelance, including teaching adjunct courses at local colleges. (I wouldn't expect to match corporate benefits, but fortunately my wife could get those through her half-day kindergarten teaching gig.) I fear that it would be feast or famine, though. I think that if I get laid off this year, I would give myself a year to see if I could develop a viable full-time freelance writing/editing business, but I fear that at the end of that year I'd be frazzled and in debt tens of thousands on my home equity line just to keep my family functioning. I really admire people who can make self-employment work. My dad has been largely self-employed for more than 30 years, and while he managed to keep our family of 10 kids functioning and my mom out of the workforce except for giving piano lessons at home (often full time), he's had some desperate times and financial hardships, and he's got no retirement cushion. I'm not sure I have the stomach for that.
I think many creative/literary writers have produced good work under economic stress, though. Dickens and Twain both did, I understand. And I think I remember hearing that Orson Scott Card has felt pressure to produce work that would bring in the most income for his family and staff. I wonder if, under economic stress, I could get myself to think more commercially and write something creative that would actually sell rather than something I just feel like writing for self-expression. I would love it if I could run a full-time freelance operation in which creative writing earned a certain percentage of my income and I made up the rest with work for hire, marketing/business communications, teaching, eBay sales, lawn care, gigolo services, etc.
First, in response to his very interesting post at A Motley Vision:
I have an ongoing mental conversation with myself about the role that creative/fiction writing should have in my life. Sometimes I’ve got myself convinced that it’s the equivalent of a hobby, but other times I realize that it’s too much work to be considered a hobby, and you can’t help but hope the work might lead to successful publication, which makes it a would-be profession, not a hobby.
I too write/edit for a living. Even when I’m doing all kinds of whorish work solely for money, as I have been doing with all my spare time recently, I am fantasizing about getting back to my novel, memoir, personal blog, etc. I do get a buzz from working on all of those personal outlets, although I also cause myself some anxiety by trying to get myself onto schedules and by thinking too much about publication prospects. I really do hope to get my personal creative writing more onto the hobby level, somehow, something that may be possible now that I’m middle aged and have already tried and failed so many times at monetizing/professionalizing my creative writing.
I’m really hoping 2009 brings me a few open months for personal writing, but hopefully not because the paying work dries up!
And now, my response to Jonathan's recent post on AML-List, titled "Economic downturn and Mormon letters":
Well, as I think I've already pointed out, the downturn has directly affected Mormon publishing, with Signature on hiatus and Cedar Fort holding an emergency liquidation sale due to massive returns of unsold merchandise from retailers. At Zarahemla Books, we've noticed a big slowdown in sales in the last quarter of 2008, and our wholesale distributor in the LDS market is nearly a year behind in our consignment payments, which fortunately hasn't affected our cash flow needs yet but will catch up to us soon, if they don't cough up.
Z had a good 2008 because of Doug Thayer's Hooligan, even though we released only one new book (Angel Falling Softly) that has sold only about 100 copies. Total revenues for Z were about $18,000 for 2008 with no grants, all book sales, and we spent about that much too. (I don't take any direct salary out now that I've paid off my personal loans to the biz, but I do have Z pay for business-related computers, cell phone, travel, meals, etc. And every book or magazine I ever buy is paid for by Z. I wish I could justify having Z pay for my music and movies too...)
Personally, my problem is that I have way too much paid writing/editing work on my plate, for which I'm very grateful, but it's taking away from time I can spend on Z and my own personal creative writing, let alone family, house, church, community, etc. I've been working 60-hour weeks for several months now on both salaried and freelance writing/editing jobs, and I find the constant deadline pressure quite wearying. There have been layoffs at my day job but I have survived and feel pretty secure, as the executives seem to value having a strong communications guy around (there's another good writer on staff here too).
For me, freelance shows no sign of slowing down yet. The Dummies people keep pitching editing projects my way, some of which I've had to turn down, and the publisher I work with in England is, at this very moment, pitching a new line of seven Mormon-themed books to a big distributor owned by Baker & Taylor; he even wants to start a new Mormon-themed imprint. If even just some of that plays out, I'll be slammed for years to come and may even need to subcontract out some writing.
I live in almost daily fear of layoffs and the financial privation and debt that would ensue, but part of me would relish having six months off to really focus on my own personal projects, especially getting out another novel. The reality, of course, is that those six months would be very stressful and go by very fast, so it's not something I really do wish. And of course, you wouldn't know if it would turn out to be six months or longer, so you couldn't really relax and enjoy it. If unemployed, I would feel guilty taking 3-4 hours a day for a novel when I should be spending all my waking hours looking for real income-earning opportunities. Plus, I have so many kids and other distractions at home that I wonder how much work I would really get done as a home-based writer.
Nevertheless, I wonder very often about seeing if I could match my corporate salary through freelance, including teaching adjunct courses at local colleges. (I wouldn't expect to match corporate benefits, but fortunately my wife could get those through her half-day kindergarten teaching gig.) I fear that it would be feast or famine, though. I think that if I get laid off this year, I would give myself a year to see if I could develop a viable full-time freelance writing/editing business, but I fear that at the end of that year I'd be frazzled and in debt tens of thousands on my home equity line just to keep my family functioning. I really admire people who can make self-employment work. My dad has been largely self-employed for more than 30 years, and while he managed to keep our family of 10 kids functioning and my mom out of the workforce except for giving piano lessons at home (often full time), he's had some desperate times and financial hardships, and he's got no retirement cushion. I'm not sure I have the stomach for that.
I think many creative/literary writers have produced good work under economic stress, though. Dickens and Twain both did, I understand. And I think I remember hearing that Orson Scott Card has felt pressure to produce work that would bring in the most income for his family and staff. I wonder if, under economic stress, I could get myself to think more commercially and write something creative that would actually sell rather than something I just feel like writing for self-expression. I would love it if I could run a full-time freelance operation in which creative writing earned a certain percentage of my income and I made up the rest with work for hire, marketing/business communications, teaching, eBay sales, lawn care, gigolo services, etc.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Notes on Vasectomy
Over on the Feminist Mormon Housewives blog, they've been talking about vasectomies, and I've been commenting:
I had my V at age 40, almost three years ago. Sex has been noticeably better for me since then, with no fertility/pregnancy anxieties. And my wife ASKED me to do it, so I felt no guilt about cutting off the sperm pipeline for selfish reasons. (I believe women call more shots in the procreation arena than men do.)
The procedure itself was not a big deal, and it was funny how the doctor was selling me on his reversal services even as he was snipping me. I used frozen peas too and only one Lortab. After one clean sperm-free checkup, my wife let me skip the subsequent follow-up checks. (It’s not that fun rubbing one out in the restroom.)
Thumbs up. And what’s been great is that my wife has never second-guessed the decision, even after holding someone’s newborn. She knew she was DONE. Of course, she was 41, probably close to being done naturally anyway–but we’d just had a surprise pregnancy only nine months after the previous one. We’d had a five-year dry spell after our first kid and did fertility treatments that didn’t work, but then a few years later things suddenly kicked back into gear for no apparent reason for numbers two and three, and it was like “Turn it off! Turn it off!”
Some months after my V, my wife had an IUD put in just to control periods, and those have pretty much dried up now, just a little spotting every few months. Woo hoo! We like married sex with no baggage.
+++++
Responding to #41: I served a mission in colorful-lingo Australia, so “rub one out” may have come from there, although I thought I’d heard it several times before here in the States too. I think the term is mostly used for pre-date masturbation when one wants to take the edge off so one can perform longer later on.
My other favorite Aussie sexual terms are “cracking a fat” for getting an erection and “rubbing uglies” for male-female genital intercourse.
Another favorite Aussie-ism I still use is “Who opened their lunch?” for when someone emits a silent odor in company.
+++++
I think there is now a home sperm testing kit available, or at least I read an article last year that said one was being planned. That would be convenient for post-V patients.
A couple of other notes about the actual process: I’ve had many moles removed, and I’d say the V was only slightly more involved than having two moles removed in one visit. There was a twinge of gut discomfort at one point, the same feeling as when one is bumped in the balls, but it was fleeting. I remember that when the doc cut the cord, it made a rather loud snip, as if it were made of firm stuff.
As far as after-effects, I remember feeling some lumps along the cord some weeks after the procedure, but I think they went away. (I don’t go looking for them anymore–I was told they’re normal.) I still don’t understand where the sperm goes now, but the ejaculate doesn’t look any less or different. But I also have to admit that I don’t understand why my water softener doesn’t make my water salty, even though it’s been explained to me several times.
I remember that after the procedure, I was expecting the nice young nurse to come back and give the area a sponge bath, but they sent me home pretty yucky down there, with disinfectant and blood and whatnot.
I’ve always said there’s a vas deferens between men and women…
+++++
Responding to #63: I was in Victoria too (1986-88), and I have heard the variations you mentioned. But I’ve also heard them the way I stated them.
I loved how Aussies said “damn” and “hell” even at church, even from the podium. I still do that too. And I always thought the word “stuffed” was funny, both as a replacement for the f-word and meaning you’re pregnant. You never sit back after a meal and say, “Well, I’m stuffed.”
I had my V at age 40, almost three years ago. Sex has been noticeably better for me since then, with no fertility/pregnancy anxieties. And my wife ASKED me to do it, so I felt no guilt about cutting off the sperm pipeline for selfish reasons. (I believe women call more shots in the procreation arena than men do.)
The procedure itself was not a big deal, and it was funny how the doctor was selling me on his reversal services even as he was snipping me. I used frozen peas too and only one Lortab. After one clean sperm-free checkup, my wife let me skip the subsequent follow-up checks. (It’s not that fun rubbing one out in the restroom.)
Thumbs up. And what’s been great is that my wife has never second-guessed the decision, even after holding someone’s newborn. She knew she was DONE. Of course, she was 41, probably close to being done naturally anyway–but we’d just had a surprise pregnancy only nine months after the previous one. We’d had a five-year dry spell after our first kid and did fertility treatments that didn’t work, but then a few years later things suddenly kicked back into gear for no apparent reason for numbers two and three, and it was like “Turn it off! Turn it off!”
Some months after my V, my wife had an IUD put in just to control periods, and those have pretty much dried up now, just a little spotting every few months. Woo hoo! We like married sex with no baggage.
+++++
Responding to #41: I served a mission in colorful-lingo Australia, so “rub one out” may have come from there, although I thought I’d heard it several times before here in the States too. I think the term is mostly used for pre-date masturbation when one wants to take the edge off so one can perform longer later on.
My other favorite Aussie sexual terms are “cracking a fat” for getting an erection and “rubbing uglies” for male-female genital intercourse.
Another favorite Aussie-ism I still use is “Who opened their lunch?” for when someone emits a silent odor in company.
+++++
I think there is now a home sperm testing kit available, or at least I read an article last year that said one was being planned. That would be convenient for post-V patients.
A couple of other notes about the actual process: I’ve had many moles removed, and I’d say the V was only slightly more involved than having two moles removed in one visit. There was a twinge of gut discomfort at one point, the same feeling as when one is bumped in the balls, but it was fleeting. I remember that when the doc cut the cord, it made a rather loud snip, as if it were made of firm stuff.
As far as after-effects, I remember feeling some lumps along the cord some weeks after the procedure, but I think they went away. (I don’t go looking for them anymore–I was told they’re normal.) I still don’t understand where the sperm goes now, but the ejaculate doesn’t look any less or different. But I also have to admit that I don’t understand why my water softener doesn’t make my water salty, even though it’s been explained to me several times.
I remember that after the procedure, I was expecting the nice young nurse to come back and give the area a sponge bath, but they sent me home pretty yucky down there, with disinfectant and blood and whatnot.
I’ve always said there’s a vas deferens between men and women…
+++++
Responding to #63: I was in Victoria too (1986-88), and I have heard the variations you mentioned. But I’ve also heard them the way I stated them.
I loved how Aussies said “damn” and “hell” even at church, even from the podium. I still do that too. And I always thought the word “stuffed” was funny, both as a replacement for the f-word and meaning you’re pregnant. You never sit back after a meal and say, “Well, I’m stuffed.”
Friday, January 09, 2009
Paying My Authors
I just finished writing over $1,600 in annual royalty checks to the authors whose books I've published through my Zarahemla Books enterprise. While this puts a big dent in the Zarahemla checking account, it's fun to actually pay people for their writing.
The big winner for 2008 was definitely Doug Thayer, who received over $1,000 in royalties for Hooligan: A Mormon Boyhood, which has now sold over 1,700 copies since I published it in 2007. In contrast, I personally received about $30 in royalties for my novel Kindred Spirits, which has now sold a grand total of 93 copies since publication. And you know what? That sounds just fine to me, definitely worth having written it.
I may do a more detailed annual report on Zarahemla soon, but I am too busy at both work and home to do it now. January is shaping up to be a hellishly busy month, and February isn't looking much better as far as having too much freelance work and too many kids. But hey—at least I have good income! There were layoffs at my day job today, so I'm feeling grateful to still have a regular salary.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
I Made the Washington Times Belief Blog
My recent article in Sunstone titled "Why Mormonism Can't Abide Gay Marriage" was the topic of a post today at the Washington Times Belief Blog.
It's a fairly neutral, respectful post. Is the Washington Times the paper that's owned by the Moonies?
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